3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
