I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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