i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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