You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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