This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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