Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
