I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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