wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
