dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
