Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have aggressive nipples.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
