if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
