why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
