i dont even know how to be here
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Are we still banned from the library?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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