i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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