i need an iv and a liver transplant
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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