I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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