Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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