it hurts more in the daytime
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
