Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
