her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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