ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
