Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
