Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
