She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
