theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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