y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
