Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
