u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I am morally bankrupt
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
