she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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