last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
