There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
