i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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