I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize