Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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