I could make wine with my vomit
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
