She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
