I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
