Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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