worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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