I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
