He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
