I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize