there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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