You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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