Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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