I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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