he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
