And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
