The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
