i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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