I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
