he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
