I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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