I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
