i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
