Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
