I think my vagina is haunted
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
