honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
