i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I want a musical about memes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
