yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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