the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
