I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize