david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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