Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
