My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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