Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize