Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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