Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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